Where was God when...?

Warning: reading my attempt to express in words this journey I am on may stir in you emotions or realities you don't want to deal with or think about. God extends His hand to give strength and grace. Allow God's mercy and truth to triumph with each step upward and every stumble backward. You are not alone in your journey.

                                                                                                                                                         
Each week the Casa Adalia team volunteers at a safe house for girls who have been rescued from the sex trade -- girls as young as 11 years old.  I am often astounded at the desire of many of the girls to read God's word and to know Him and His son Jesus.  What if I had been beaten multiple times, manipulated and then sold for sex by someone who was my "boyfriend" and said they loved me?  What if I had been sold for sex by my own mother?  What if my own father was the biological father of my baby?  What if I had been rescued, trusted God to be my protector and then "it" happened again?  Would I want to know God or would I blame God?

I have known Jesus personally since I was six years old.  So why am I now struggling to make sense of the basic question, "Why does God let bad things happen?"  Where was God when these little girls were being raped?  God who is good and compassionate and powerful and loving and full of justice and mercy could have stopped the man who beat and manipulated and sold his 11 year old daughter.  Couldn't He?  Shouldn't He?

...Why didn't He?

 

Through this blog entry I am inviting you to share in my journey of seeking for real, loving, and Biblical answers, a journey that at times has left me in tears.  I cannot avoid the questions in my heart and sometimes directly from the girls, "Where was God?  Why didn't He protect me?  Why didn't He answer my cries for help?"  These questions are literally "in my face" week after week as I look into the eyes of these young girls who have experienced unspeakable and undeserved pain.

I won't pretend to have found the perfect answers.  In fact, I am quite certain I will never fully understand why He doesn't just end every bit of evil right now.  I long for the day God takes me into His never-ending glory land.  I imagine that the overwhelming joy of being in My King's presence will instantly dissolve every doubt and question.  BUT, for today, He has given me confidence of some things.  I know the One in whom I believe and I am convinced He alone is God.  I know that He loves me and that He is good.  I know I can trust Him because He is trustworthy. 

I am trusting God to dive deep with me into the ocean of His love to help me discover practical wisdom on how to express His immense love to others in a way that it makes sense, so that His truth will break forever lies the girls believe about themselves or God because of what happened to them, truth that brings hope for new life.

In the midst of my search, I have been enjoying a study of the book of James with some precious missionary women.  Last week we discussed this very concept.  The author of the study states, "Every gap in your life makes room for the Lover of your soul.  God uses time to unwrap presents that appear as curses."  Yes, I absolutely agree.  But, I asked, "Is the author saying that God allows or even orchestrates horrible things to happen so they can later become a gift?!" 

In my struggle for answers, I think I was beginning to believe a lie, that our loving God who sees and knows all things chose to withhold His love when that little girl was being raped.  Hmm...the same enemy who hopes to trap these girls in his lies wants to do the same to me. 

Today I set aside some time to write out several truths I have taken from the past week of study:

1. God gives and the flesh takes away.  God bestows.  The flesh bereaves.
2. God's gifts (James 1:17) are intentional and personal.  They are perfect because they are perfecting.  They are not only a gift for today.  They give toward every tomorrow.
3. If it was good, then it was God.  If it was perfect, then its goal was precise.
4. All rebellion is the attempt to take NOW what God says either we are not yet ready for or it is not His good and perfect gift for us.
5. At the same moment evil was being poured out on us, God was pouring down gifts that would sustain and lift us up.  (I am still reflecting on and trying to understand this one.)

Also, I recently discovered a helpful book called, Hope and Healing for Teens:  A Safe Place - A guide for living beyond sexual abuse.  It is written by someone who experienced the atrocities of sexual abuse as a child and then found freedom and healing in Jesus.  The girls we are ministering to have suffered manipulation and abuse at a far deeper level than those who have experienced sexual abuse, but the premise for finding freedom is the same. 

Healing and hope can only be experienced by identifying lies we have believed and replacing them with the truth of Jesus. 

Here are a few truths that resonated with me:

1. God is the Truth Teller who created you as a unique and special person.  He knows the real truth about who you are and wants to share that truth with you.
2. How you feel about what happened to you has affected how you feel about yourself -- and that has affected all your relationships. 
3. The guilt for sexual abuse always and only belongs to the abuser.
4. Shame goes beyond not allowing you to reveal yourself to others.  It hides the real, true, inside you from everyone -- especially yourself!
5. There is only one way to escape sexual abuse.  That is to use the truth to confront the lies that abuse tells us about ourselves, others, and God.

If I could sum up in one statement what I have concluded on my quest, it would be this: 

God is never, ever responsible for evil.  These girls bear the horrible consequences of someone's choice to sin. 

Yesterday I wrote in my journal some thoughts about how I might share God's story of hope to a girl who asks me, "Where was God when....?"  God is still writing the story in me...

Your story and mine starts with the very beginning of time.  There was a King, and this King was and is God.  The King created a beautiful garden kingdom and placed in it His best creation of all, the very first man and woman.  The King and the man and the woman laughed and talked and played and loved spending time together.  Everything was perfect, and the man and the woman were blissfully happy.  

The King gave the man and the woman some rules to follow that were good and would keep them safe and happy.  Because of His great love He didn't force them to obey His rules.  He even warned them what would happen if they disobeyed.  He gave them the choice to obey Him because He loved them and desired their love in return.  Loving and following the King would give them a joyful and never-ending life together in His presence in the beautiful garden kingdom.  

But the man and the woman chose to disobey the King and were sent away from their perfect kingdom garden and the King's presence.  Evil entered their hearts and their beautiful world. 

Today this very same King continues to give freedom for every person to choose how to live.  The one thing He asks us to do is to love Him and to love others. Every person must choose whether they will love the King and love others or whether they will hate the King and hurt others.  Everyone chooses...you, me, and the ones who hurt you. 

Sweet daughter, I cannot express how incredibly sorry I am for the hurtful things done to you.  But I promise you this.  People chose to hurt you, the King didn't. He never, ever wanted bad things to happen to you.  He wanted you be loved and protected and cherished.  He has never stopped loving you.  He loves you so much He has given a way through His son, Prince Jesus, for you to be able to live forever as His adopted princess daughter. 

This King wants to be your father, a father who has a perfect and forever love for His children.  He wants to take all the things that hurt you and work them out for good in your life.  He promises He will never abandon you.  When your father and mother or friends abandon you, either physically or emotionally, He will gather you to Himself.  When you know Him as your father and king you will experience peace even when there are not enough answers.  And someday, He will take you and all of His prince and princess children to live with Him forever in a glorious and never-ending kingdom filled with joy and peace. 

Jesus, King of my heart,

Work your truth deep into my soul.  

Forgive me for believing the lie --

That you would ever withhold Your love from your daughters. 

Do Your perfect work in me,

That I may be your minister of healing reconcilation

For the hurting, the wounded, and the dicarded. 

I want to represent You, My King,

With Your power and truth and love. 

The kind of powerful love that brings good news to the poor

That binds up the brokenhearted and

Sets free the captives.

A love that swings wide open the prison doors.

A love that proclaims the favor of the LORD and vengeance of our God,

That comforts ALL who mourn and grants them

Beauty instead of ashes,

Oil of gladness instead of mourning,

The garment of praise instead of a faint spirit,

That they may be called oaks of righteousness,

The planting of the LORD

That He may be glorified.

-- Amen and Amen