Grief mixed with joy

We can deal with the ambulance if God is in it.  We can stomach the ICU if God is in it.  We can face the empty house if God is in it.  He is.  (Max Lucado)

 

When I arrived at the girls' safe house Tuesday morning, we were met with several shouts of "Awesome!"  Two weeks ago I taught them the word and its significance in Spanish when we played the "Awesome Game."  I told them several times over that they were AWESOME.  And they are.  They have overcome the unspeakable.  Thirteen girls.  One girl, who was never given the opportunity to learn to read or write, dictated during our journal expression, "I don't want to be here.  I want to go home."  Most of these girls have no idea how long they are staying at the safe house or what will happen next in their process.  They are waiting without seeming direction.  I was told they are waiting to testify.  Many times we enjoy their smiles and laughter.  Other times they look at us without expression, or maybe with a sadness so deep there is no expression.

Two nights ago Phil and I mourned the loss of Ronan, God's precious gift to our nephew and his wife who carried him for just 23 weeks in her womb and later held him for a few precious hours upon her chest until he entered eternity.  His father said, "I don't understand it.  But even as I am filled with sadness God has given me joy.  Joy to know our tiny son is with my mom in heaven.  Joy because I sense God's love and provision through the staff at the hospital and through people who have encouraged us.  More than anything, I want Ronan's older brothers and sister to learn that there is no fear in death."  Tears rolled down my face as I listened.  He told us that a family in the same hospital experienced the opposite.  Their baby lived, grew strong and went home with his family, on the very same day Ronan struggled and breathed his last on this earth.  And yet, knowing this, our nephew experienced the miracle of joy and gratefulness even as he grieved.

Today my beautiful niece and her husband have returned to another continent to visit their two adopted daughters, daughters who because of failed process outside of their control, were never allowed to leave their birth country and experience a new life with their parents.  I can hardly fathom the depth of love which would return these parents to hold their girls, knowing fully that they will experience the deep loss and pain of saying goodbye, again... 

Like my nephew, my niece, and the girls, I have found that God miraculously allows me to hold both grief and joy in my heart, even in the same moment.  Because He dwells in me.  He who endured the cross for the joy that was set before Him.

God has kicked open wide a new door!

Open doors are often an indication of God’s leading.  And sometimes the reverse is true.  A closed door may be an indication of God’s leading.  Over the past days, we have watched God miraculously open a door when another one closed. 

June 21^st was our last day to volunteer at the safe house.  Their doors officially closed last week.  We were told we could provide a goodbye party but we couldn’t actually tell them goodbye. This request was not a surprise since we saw many girls leave without knowing ahead that they were leaving.  My heart felt heavy with sadness. 

I shared Proverbs 3:5-6 repeating it for added emphasis.  I asked them what they thought it meant.  I was grateful to see each girl engaged and listening.  I struggled to express how incredibly important it was to not lean on our own understanding but on God alone.  God who loves them.  God who will never leave them.  God in whom they can trust.  And then I read Ephesians 3:14-21 as a prayer.  In my heart I cried, “Jesus, please take care of them.  Let them know Your deep and immeasurable love!”

We painted picture frames, empty ones because we were told (for security reasons) we could not leave a picture for them to remember us by.  I asked them to sign the matte of my frame so I could see their names in their own handwriting and pray for them:  Ruth, Mady, Mari, Juli, Sherl, Caro, Vivi, Kari...names that symbolize the many girls I have hugged and looked upon with such deep affection.  In so many ways, just little girls.  Many more faces flash through my memories as I write.

We ended our time by sharing ice cream sundaes.  We had lugged a cooler with ice cream, bananas and lots of toppings on the forty-five minute journey by feet and bus.  The sundaes were a hit and for most, a first time experience!  They ate them slowly and with great relish.  In the end, one of the staff announced to the girls that this would be our last time.  She thanked us for coming faithfully and allowed time for the girls and the rest of us to share.  Inside I rejoiced that God had provided such a healing closure.

When one door closes, God opens another!

 (picture from reflectionsintheword.org)

While we were at the safe house, one of the Casa Adalia team members received a phone call from another girl’s foundation asking if we would be interested in volunteering.  The director told her that one of the girls we knew previously from the safe house was placed there and recommended us. 

Last week we met with the director of the foundation, a similar but much smaller safe house.  As we walked into the outside patio, we were stunned to see a huge smile of surprise from Mari.  We had just hugged her goodbye the Friday before having no idea if we would ever see her again.  It was also such a joy to see Lori, another girl we had known previously.  As we hugged and talked briefly with the other girls, they felt so familiar, so much like the ones we had just said goodbye to.  I felt the hope of God rise up within me.  Yes, Emanuel God was with us.  He was with them.  He would continue to be with us. 

 The director told us, “These girls need to laugh and jump and yell and be girls.  You have freedom to share with them about God, to read the Bible, to teach them.”  Glory!!  God didn’t just open a new door.  He kicked it open wide!

Please, please pray with us!  Pray as we begin ministering to the girls in the new foundation each Tuesday morning.  Please pray as we continue to hunt for an apartment to rent for the 18 year old girls.  Please pray for God to provide the right house mom.  Please pray for wisdom as we collaborate with other organizations who have a similar passion.  Prayer is the wind of God behind us, giving us courage and strength.  Prayer is the mighty wind of God before us, opening the way for Him to enter in. 

For His glory in Ecuador,

Debbie Douce

Team Leader ESME – Casa Adalia