Blogging again

                                                                                     Shoulders 

My help comes from You
You are my rest, my rescue.
I don't have to see to believe because I know it is true.
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness on Your shoulders.
I feel no fear. I find my comfort here
Because I know you are near.

(For King and Country)

I haven't been blogging for weeks, months, years maybe. I haven't been sure how. The tears, the struggle, the joy, the despair, the hope. What do share? How do I share? I want to protect and bring dignity. I have also just been too tired. The weariness. Healing is hard work.

I am hoping to begin again, the stories of hope need to be shared, to give testimony that it is true. Jesus is real, His power transforms lives. He is still at work, in my day. Replacing beauty for ashes. Bringing light to darkness. A smile when there had been none. He who created us in our fragility, clay pots really, displays power and love and victory and hope every day. If we will but stop to look, when the pot is cracked, it can't hide the light of Jesus, rather the fragmented beams make me feel brave. One more day.

A way home

The bus terminal was crowded with people arriving and leaving. I walked slowly, searching for a lone young woman and her baby. It had been two years since I had last seen her. Would I recognize her? It was then that I saw her, one arm raised tentatively in greeting, a six month baby on her hip, a couple of smaller bags at her feet. 

Although she is now just 22 years old, her face was thinner and older, a face that told the story of abuse and abandonment. Believing the lies of a man who "promised her the world," she walked away one Christmas Eve, leaving a haven of love and safety, and a hopeful future. Two years later, at a point of desperation, she remembered the love she had experienced in Casa Adalia and began to search for a way to come back "home." Yet God. He never stopped pursuing her with His unfailing love, wooing her back to Himself and to choosing new life for her and her child.

This is not a unique story for the precious young women we minister to. The manipulative lies of "You are so beautiful, let me take care of you," are far too common and easily believed by a teen girl who her entire young life only experienced abuse. 

It is a joy and privilege to catch glimpses of growth and transformation of the young women and children we are honored to journey with. Last week another one of our young women spontaneously asked to share her testimony with a small team. She ended by saying, "I am finally learning what pure love is. The love of God is pure, it is unconditional." 

Lead me on!

"Anyone who intends to come with Me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat. I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow Me and I'll show you how." Matthew 16 (MSG)

I am so incredibly thankful God is in the driver's seat. He is leading, in power, in love, in wisdom. He is my perfect, faithful leader. Why should I worry or fret? Lead me on, Oh Jesus.

    When I feel so tired emotionally I am not sure I can take another step.

When I hold a sobbing six year old who doesn't want to leave the safety of my arms.

         When I stand on the other side of the locked door of a broken girl. "It is ok." I say, "I will just sit outside here and wait for you." 

    Lead me on when there are no seeming resources, or answers.

When I am frantically hunting for a missing girl in the dark streets of Quito. 

               Lead me on towards justice and mercy. 

  Lead me in the wait, in the doubt, in the dark, in the light.

           Lead me, oh Jesus to You.

Let me put on the seatbelt of Your Spirit and Word. Let me sit back and exclaim over the breathtaking views. Let me anticipate what is coming around the next corner. Let me cry with and love with You in the brokenness. Let me laugh when I bounce high from the jar of the potholes. 

           Lead me on, Oh Jesus!

Come walk with Me

For about ten weeks I had the joy of studying God's Word with a group of women, most of them missionary moms serving in Ecuador. We studied "Children of the Day," a Beth Moore study on I and II Thessalonians. I missed several of the group sessions due to my unpredictable and extra busy schedule with Casa Adalia, but oh the blessing of those sweet afternoons when I could join the others in Esther Borman's living room, sharing together what God is teaching us, sharing our heartaches and frustrations, our times of rejoicing...and praying for one another. How I needed those prayers. I still do!

Here is a beautiful excerpt from the day we studied I Thess 2:12. May you be as encouraged as I was!

You and I can’t walk “worthy of God” when we’re walking alone, no matter how much sin we are dodging. The theology of walking happens in His presence.

The Bible unfolds with an image of God walking among His people and draws to a close with Jesus, His risen Son, doing the same. Between those corresponding divine footprints, hundreds of times and in multiple ways, He bids man “come walk with Me.” To walk “before Him”, as so many verses word the concept, is to live continually God-aware. 

To walk before God is to travel down the highway with your spiritual sunroof wide open. Even when you’re looking straight ahead, hands on the wheel, you know those rays are bathing you in warmth and that wind is cleansing the air. If the clouds are thick and heavy overhead, you know what’s above them. You relish hearing from God, talking to God, and also dwelling in contented secure silence before God, confident that He never budges.

That “secure silence” part is crucial. If misinterpreted, silence can become a one-grave cemetery for intimacy with God. We all have seasons when we don’t’ feel like God is near. They are temporary if we don’t break fellowship and walk off in a huff. Day in, day out, we take Him at His Word.

Come walk with Me. Even with a limp. That’s what Jacob did (Gen. 32:31). Even in the fire. That’s what Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego did (Dan. 3:25). Even when we feel like all hope is gone and no one came through. That’s what the two on the road to Emmaus did. (Luke 24:15)

Come walk with Me, whatever shape you’re in, no matter how wounded or bruised. Just bring Me your whole heart – even in ten thousand shards – and let’s walk the rest of this thing out together (2 Chron.6:14). “This is the way; walk in it” (Isa. 30:21). He will never lead you into the path of a freight train, but He’ll meet you in the carnage should you choose that route. He will never veer you from your destiny but, should another path seduce you, He can turn a long, ugly road back home. When you find yourself unwelcome where you thought you’d been sent, He’ll help you move on. If you walk out with Him day to day and season to season, even what seems like the most futile detour will end up taking you to a spot where a piece of your puzzle hides…

Just as Scripture testified that Enoch and Noah walked with God, may huddled angels whisper behind your back when the chronicles of history are complete, “See that woman right there? She walked with God. “ or “See that man right there? He walked with God.” 

Ok, my eyes are filled with tears at the thought of that someday when we will be in the never-ending-glory-land together. They are also filled with tears at the thought of the​ beautiful, extravagant love and grace of Our Jesus. On any given day or moment I can relate to walking with a limp, or facing a fire, or losing hope. Yet, 

because of Him, I am still walking! 

Earth has no sorrow that heaven can't heal.

Where do I begin to try and write a blog after so many months of silence? I have to begin with, "God has been faithful, just like my dad said so many times." It is oh so true.

I wonder sometimes why He has assigned me the labor of such a ministry as Casa Adalia. My Spanish is inadequate, the legal system feels impossible to understand, and there are so few resources within the system that it can leave me feeling helpless and overwhelmed. But over the past weeks that have been especially difficult, I realized that I must stop trying to be adequate, stop wanting the answers for tomorrow, and just let God be God. You would think I would have learned this better by now. :)

As I type I hear the song "Come as you are." One of the girls from Casa Adalia is listening to music. She loves listening to worship music, often in English. Songs like "Oh how He loves us so" and "The Revelation Song" -- the music pours out of her room. Sometimes I hear her trying to sing the lyrics, nearly always off key. It is incredibly beautiful. But then there are other times. Dark times. Despair is heard instead of joy. Instead of music, I hear her sobbing, deep sobbing that seems to be without end. I hold her in my arms, tears of my own fall. I pray. I offer the only thing I have, my presence, but not just me, God in me. "You are not alone," I tell her.

This week our daughter, Danelle, sent me a video of the song, "Come as you are" by David Crowder. She said they sang it during worship at church, and it made her think of the girls in Casa Adalia. 

As I listen to the words, I hear Him beckon me as well, this 56 year old imperfect and tired mom who does not have the answer to "Why?" 

Jesus, I come. I lay down the burdens and hurt. I lay down my heart. There is no sorrow You can't heal. 

Come broken hearted. Let rescue begin.

Come find your mercy, oh sinner come kneel.

Earth has no sorrow that heaven can't heal. 

So lay down your burdens. Lay down your shame.

All who are broken, lift up your face. 

Oh wanderer come home, you're not too far.

So lay down your hurt. Lay down your heart.

Come as you are.
By David Crowder

Robbed yet rich

Last Thursday, in the middle of a beautiful Quito afternoon, robbers broke a window in our living room, bent and broke the bars, then stole our two laptops, ransacked our bedroom and took the rent money and cash from my wallet saved in our dresser. The heavy loss is the info on the computers. Phil and I both work from our home office. It is also difficult to be without computers...I am writing from a teammate' s Kindle she lent us. Slowly. :)

My mother-in-law called today and encouraged me, "Often it is through necessity God works His plan." Yes, I am ever aware of my necessity and my inadequacy. And in my need God expresses His abundant grace. O that my eyes would be wide open to see God's expressions of grace, such as all the ways He is providing, how he blinded the eyes of the thieves when they dumped my jewelry box and left my diamond wedding ring. There is no other explanation for why I didn't feel frightened the night of the robbery or violated by the knowledge that strangers touched my clothes, looked through my drawers, looked through my wallet, saw my name, threw my undies on the floor..men rifled through my place of safety and refuge with evil intentions. Yes, I am overwhelmed with crazy, abundant grace.

My refuge lives in me and cannot be stolen. The things that make us rich cannot be stolen. Life eternal. Love unconditional experienced through friendship, family, community. Even my identity cannot be stolen. Who I am, the daughter of the King, my true identity, can never be taken. HE can never be taken from me, ever.

Casa Adalia -- Girls know how to have fun!

Recently I was appointed to teach one of our life skills classes at Casa Adalia. The topic? Personal hygiene... 

I introduced the theme by holding up a small, stained-glass vase, “I would like to show you a valuable object. What do you think makes it valuable?  Well, it is beautiful. I like to look at it. It is also valuable because it was given to me by my husband Phil. But, if I drop it, it will break. Or if I place it inside a cupboard, its beauty will be hidden. And if I want Phil to know I am thankful for it, I will take good care of it.

The same is true with our bodies. God created us in His image. He gave us marvelous bodies, much more valuable than this vase. BUT, in order for us to enjoy the bodies God gave us or to let Him know we are grateful, we need to take care of them. YOU are a beautiful creation! When we display our outward and inward beauty in the manner God designed, we are able to reveal to the world His incredible beauty.”

We then read together Psalm 139:13,14

Oh yes, You shaped me first inside, then out; You formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—You’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

Next, I handed out information on a variety of topics concerning personal hygiene. I challenged each person to create a poster to portray the main points from their handout.  When finished we each presented the information to the entire group. Everyone did a great job. We laughed, we listened, and we learned together. 

At the end of our time we made a natural face mask from oatmeal, lemon and yogurt.  We laughed some more as we blobbed on our face masks. I reveled in the sweetness of our group experiencing such joyful and educational “girl time” in a safe and healthy setting.  Gotta say...I am glad God made me a woman because girls know how to have fun! :)

Kristin, our house coordinator, displays her poster AND face mask!